On my post the other day on our daily schedule, I mentioned how more balanced I feel I have become since having Jett – that now I am more purposeful and intentional with my time. Writing that out made me start thinking more about other ways I have changed since he was born – both the good and the not-so-good. It is crazy how much changes the moment you become a mother, and how much you learn about yourself in the process. Mostly for the good, but obviously there are some stressful aspects that make themselves known as well. In my pursuit of capturing my memories and thoughts along this journey of motherhood (and just life in general) I decided to make a list of everything that has changed since becoming baby Jett’s mom.
1. More patience
Naturally I think I am a pretty high strung individual. I like things orderly, timely, organized. I have a mind that constantly changes course from one topic to another. It’s hard for me to sit still and just “relax” I don’t think I have ever binge watched a show on Netflix and its hard for me to get through a whole movie in one sitting. In the early days – when Jett was brand new, it was a completely new way of life. Jett needed to be fed- pretty much around the clock..which meant a lot of sitting on the couch… and he often would fall asleep in my arms and we would do some more sitting on the couch after that. This was REALLY hard for me. I realized quickly I needed to just relax and be okay with the fact that life would be moving a bit slower for awhile. And that the only place I really needed to be was with him. Providing for him, loving him. The pace of life has definitely sped up since those days but I have much more tolerance for days with a slower pace. I think I have become a little bit more patient, and a little more laid back.
2. More confidence
I don’t know exactly where along the line I have assumed more assurance in myself, but I have never believed in myself and my abilities more than after becoming a mom. Maybe its that I have endured those exhausting first days of life with a newborn, or maybe its just that I have learned (and still learning!) to keep a tiny human alive for the past 7 months! I have seen how my problem solving skills and decision making abilities have navigated me through this new world of parenthood – which to me is a much more complicated environment than what I have faced in the business world. I have seen myself rise up and make it through situations that seemed impossible to get through. This confidence has really transcended to all parts of my life and some of the fears that have paralyzed me in the past when it comes to speaking up or facing confrontations have been minimized because I KNOW I am capable.
3. More worry
Sometimes I just can’t help but worry – irrational worries most of the time – about Jett and just our family in general. It happened a lot more when Jett was a newborn, but even now I have nights where I just feel a bit overcome with worry – for the unknown for Jett. For anything that could possibly happen to him over his entire life. Sometimes when those feelings come, I just have to acknowledge them.. talk them out with Brandon.. and even cry a little bit just so I can move on. I have just never loved something so much to my very core of my being and sometimes that comes with the added burden of a few more worries in my life.
4. More Self-Love
I have been very critical of myself – as I am sure we all are – for most of my adult life. We all have parts of our selves we wish we could change – our legs, or our ears, or whatever else on our body we don’t feel measures up. Interestingly enough – I have started to really see Jett starting to take on characteristics of both Brandon and I. ( I feel like he is a good mix of both of us!) His face has changed as he moved out of the newborn baby stage and now he is taking on more personality and distinct mannerisms. I have started to catch glimpses of him where I see myself in him sometimes. Or just parts of me – like my eyes or a certain face I make. It has oddly made me appreciate what I have in the past regarded as a flaw – or just an element of myself that I haven’t liked. I am starting to be much less critical of myself because of Jett. The features we share I have learned to treasure so much! It has been the wildest experience and something I never expected!
What about you mamas?? What has changed since YOU have become a mother?